Morning seems a little cold and foggy here..I sense the morning dew as I open my window beside my bed and look to my backyard. Seems like there will be no hot sun burning my skin today, so I guess I’ll go chill in my room, wondering things I would like to write and put them in a neat order. It’s been several months since I haven’t been writing any articles, my thesis consumed all my interest toward textbooks and journals. You can see into my eyes and found out that I’m puzzled, my brains aren’t working straight as it was before.
I’ve been stuck in my boring hometown, wishing I could go back to study abroad. While underpressure things aren’t going better since I am having a long distance relationship, having full of troubles in keeping the communication and trust. Plus the jackpot is, I am the first child in my family and they are hoping a lot from me, perhaps too much. And yeah, all this life seasoning and spices choked me up. Gosh, I could hardly speak or breathe properly. Frankly I never really like to much spices, especially pepper and chili. Pepper make me sneeze and one chilli seed is more than enough to burn my whole poor tongue.
Now before I got lost in this chatter, let’s leave those spices and let me say something else. Yeah I did mention a few times before about this long distance relationship. It’s tough, you know. It really is. Sometimes I felt so lonely and nobody would listen to me, then suddenly we had a fight and things aren’t getting better at all. And voila, here I am cast away again.
Everyone who know me and Dion will figure out quickly that both of us are so much different. He is much more tender hearted then I do, the way he think in relationship is um…ya, kinda slow and it oftenly annoys me. While I am too much careless for a woman, I oftenly don’t really get why people get that much mellow-ish, all those kind of stuffs related of feeling, I don’t really get it very well. Maybe I know, in some sense I could understand, but don’t really feel the same way. Some says I am using my brain too much, I even use the theories I am learning to interact and analyze people too much, on what it supposed to be or what they think, and concerning less to what they feel.
Both of us had big ego and yeah, it feels like we already decided to have a very long journey with a ship, packed all commitment and stuffs along. Sometimes we get lost, we don’t know what we’re heading to, or perhaps maybe sometimes we’re too afraid to the big hurricane lurking near our deck so we pretend that we don’t know and blame each other for such situations. At times like this sometimes I will jump off the ship and hop to the lifeboat, searching the nearest island to chill off.
It was back then when I found out there are a lot of amusing things to do, some old and new people I met keeps me busy awhile and I forgot that I left him alone in the middle of the deep blue of nowhere. Then suddenly, I felt asleep. I had a lot of dreams, some good enchanting lost memories, but the rest may be nightmare. Wasn’t a good sleep afterall. It’s been awhile when I suddenly woke up, and everyone was gone. There’s nothing left but an empty island with a pure white sand and raw bushes. So here I am left alone, stupidly cast away from everyone. I am in the middle of nowhere too, just like him.
I wake up, trying to stand but my feet feels numb. As I turn my head around all I can see around the horizon was all pale blue, covered with thick white snowy fog. I am on my own then, as my lifeboat seems gone with the sunset tide water. I tried to get my mind back and when I start to sense the ground and awareness I have to consider soon enough whether I am going to wait for him to come and pick me up, wait for any boat or plane passing by to save me, or just crazily swim and try to find him. It wasn’t easy back then when I felt like I have nothing more left in hand. I keep silent, waiting..waiting and waiting until I finally decide to make a help signal, SOS or whatever. Few minutes, few hours or days perhaps, I couldn’t really tell until I saw a light out there.
Just suddenly sure that it was him and the ship. I hesitate but then I just push my self against the stream, toward the boat. When I get into the water then I just hear some discorded voices echoing in my head, but I keep going ahead, and finally I reach the ship. Cold, hungry and wet as ever but I am finally safe, and the most important thing is, I’m with him.
Now you can see, perhaps we’re not that different person as for now. Both selfish, as I left him alone and he wouldn’t come and pick me up. Everyone else may think how could two contrast personality with high egos get along? But you know, somehow it’s fine. We can work it out now, later, and in every second we spent together. Well, at least it worked out for this nearly 5 years. And here we are now, still trying to be a better person and finding our way when we could be together everyday…It’s been a long run, but the real journey had just begun.
“Bad things already start for today, I just try to make my day,
and not jumping off the bay. I know I’ve been paranoid,
so I know things I should get rid.”