I’ve been freeing myself from any kind of tangles..it feels a little bit strange to get used to this situation, separation, whatever it called…My cousin went to Germany and it’s so damn difficult to contact him..while all the time I always talk to him about everything. I never kept any secret from him, and so does he. all I can do is rely on myself, and yet I kinda lost my senses..
After I finally got a shortcut in my thesis, it relieves almost everything. Only one thing left in mind that I really consider most. As Maxwell Maltz quoted: “just like a soldier, a true lover knows when to fight, and when to surrender.” And I’m just a lost soldier in earth who’se about to surrender.
Only until one day I get closer to this surrender sense. Believe it or not, I have no intention to brag but I am a person who had the same problem with my bestfriend christo.We are INTJ people who had a bunch of shitty problems because of our, eh you can say..misperception, misbehaviour, or whatever it called. We oftenly, unconciously, use our feelings less than our mind and so we are people who had problem because our intellegence. And frankly I must say, perhaps all INTJ people does.
Then, I decide to call my bestfriend.Talking to him in some sense is very nice since we are so much alike, even he’s a guy and I’m a woman the difference between us are very much less compared to any other same gender-bestfriends.
And this is how the remedy begins. I don’t care on what people think of opposite gender friendship, but we are best friends, always and forefer, nothing would ever change that. I told him almost everything I had in mind, everything I feel, and how much I feel like I lost everything from my grip.
And then, he told me this: Negative always struggle and seek attention.Positive is always needed everywhere, therefore it remains quiet and await people to seek for it.Positive knows that, and it is why it stood still until people comes to. While negative knows, people doesn’t need him, and therefore he keeps struggling and seeking attention. And that is why people think negative much more easier than positive.
And I said: as I do believe Shinobu Inokuma’s quote: No matter how you are far from your family it doesn’t matter, they’re still your family since you are bonded by blood. But it’s different with the one you love, you always have to struggle to stay with him.
My bestfriend, the one who was called a freak,weird,psycho and other horrible labels by people most of the time, even more often and worse than me, is the one who teach me how to love. Indeed he is in love with someone, and he never care on how he is treated. He learn from his flaws and never blamed her for hating him. And so do I will do the same. Doesn’t matter anymore on what will happen, I just want the one I love to be happy.
I do believe how much you love someone is measured by how much can you maintain your heart to see, how much happiness he/she brings in your life more than the pain they caused. So dear, if you read this, please forgive yourself if you still blame yourself to make me cry, I’m just fine.
whatever I said and done, I’m really sorry. I always love you, Dion.If I said I wanna let you go, it’s because..I was thinking you would be happier without me. But since you said you want me to stay by your side, whoever I am at the end, I will do my best for you.