fix yourself before you fix your problems

I don’t know why but lately I do prefer to write a lot about life rather than posting about artworks in my other blog. Maybe I’m just so in to life lately. I’ve got a lot of inspiration from other cynical people like my highschool fellas, but also the un-cynical ones like my darling dion. You know, let me share you a little story, about what we need and what we want.

As you know, I’m a person with a cynical thoughts, sharp tongue (if some of you have ever felt offended, then I apologize for that), even perhaps, it’s not much reflected in my look.

Just want to let you know about my previous life. I was a girl who was been hated by tons of students during highschool. The reason was never clear, and it’s funny how some of them seem so nice to me when we met at university. People changed so fast, huh? Remembering back then, seems like everything I’ve done was wrong, and I was always blamed for lies-yeah, things I never done. But up to now, I don’t know why I never had any intentions to do any paybacks. Maybe my conscience said that’s useless and it will only made me the same person as them. I never kept that much grudge but I must admit I will never forget.

I have only very few friends, and still, seems like those people hated me so much, telling lies about me, taking away my friends from me-even all the teachers in school knows this, I suppose. But from those very few I really learned a lot. This is a common teen problem, perhaps, but it’s gonna be a lot different when you have almost no one by your side, no family near you, and you live in a dorm with 19 other people-which most of them hated you. Not to mention the people in the next 8 house dorms.

You tell lies about me to the guys I ever liked, and the one who’s getting in to me. Maybe some of them never really liked me as well. But guess what? Perhaps I could say, I’m lucky because I never hooked up with any of them. Tell you what, I was young and stupid, it’s you and the things you’ve done who made me opened my eyes for who they really are. And now I happily ended up with my junior in high school, the best guy I could ever had. And it’s all, because of you, you’ve saved me. Now I have a very happy relationship with him.

You hated me so much, and you made me friendless , lonesome and miserable. But you know what? Those very few friends which last are the most loyal friends to me until now. You made me realize what true friends are.

You’ve been cruel to me, pushed me around for the things I never done, or you’re just finding reasons to bully me. But if it’s not because of you, maybe I’m still the same spoiled girl who still need to depend on my mommy. Now I am more independent, not even a single day I felt homesick during my study abroad. And I guess it’s essential when I planned to study abroad again. Thanks to you!

Whoever you are right now I don’t really care. You know who you are, you know what you’ve done. So please, my last word for you is,when we met personally, even it’s just in facebook, don’t just pretend like we’re good old friends because that’s hypocrite. Being nice is ok, but being too nice is somehow hypocrite, nobody could automaticly erase what you’ve done, especially when you never even said sorry. I’m not sure if you even regret. Don’t care anymore, I know all those things are suppose to happen to me, to be a better person, and to have a better life.

I guess what they’ve done shows that they didn’t found the synchronization between what they want and what they need. I didn’t as well. This might sound simple, but trust me, it’s not.  In movie scenes a girl might like a hot looking guy but actually what she needs is a warm hearted guy who will always be by her side. Classic, but obviously true, and I bet it happens a lot in real life. Coz it happens in mine.

So people, never felt miserable for what you are being now. Be proud of yourself, do your best in every ways, and happiness will come to you! Being happy and spreading happiness is actually creating happiness itself. Shortly, if you never trust yourself, how can you make others trust you? 😉 Find what you want, but don’t forget that it might be the thing that you  actually never need. It’s not easy to realize where’s the line of both.

I think you who just mourned awhile about life might like this quotation: “If you believe you’re a star, you don’t need to wait someone to say so.”

Btw, today I watched a very amazing video in youtube. My friend, a lecturer in a big university in the capital shared the link and tell me that I might like this video. And you know, this is very amusing! Click HERE to watch the video in youtube. This video probably could answer, why this common mistakes happens among human being (but not for chimps!)

If you’re questioning what’s this video have to do with this topic well…Maybe not really much, but I think in some sense it really has the connection. The video is about a comparison study, between a chimp and a human kid. The topic is about logic and learning. Just watch, and you’ll know.

In the end, the result is, chimps has better learning in the terms of  ‘what they need’ and skip the unnecessary things. And humans, have the tendency to repeat what they’ve learned (and done). Again, common human mistakes. I think this is what my high school friends did. Repeating hatred for 3 years,  and maybe even more, while it definitely will never get them to be a better person – It gets them otherwise.

So, if you guys read this, I suggest you for learning from your mistakes, and also from the chimps in this video, as I do need to learn much more since I’m still a dumb in life. I do repeat mistakes. But I’m struggling to be someone better and better.

The thing is, do we even want to know what is our mistake, admit it and fix it? Go ask yourself.


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