Have you ever felt so lost that you don’t even know what you should do while the path of your crazy dreams start to open right under your feet? Why I suddenly felt I don’t know what should I write in this dedication page inside my thesis while actually I have loads of names to write down? Even, one bolded name for sure. Why I suddenly wish I don’t have to leave him in this country while before I was dying to go? I just realize that every single success would be nothing without him. I don’t know if he even understand this. I don’t even know if he would just knew whatever I said my feelings for him never changed at all? No, maybe it was never the same at all, because I never could stop it from growing big. Growing tall and big, but somehow I don’t know what should I do with it. Why should things be that much difficult while actually it could be much easier since we already understand each’s situations? Still, I’m just a dork in this. I wish I could do for you much better like what I can do in college. I wish I can express this to you as much as what I am able to do in front of my Professor, in each of my class. I wish I could. I’m sorry.

I remember Martin Luther King Jr. said : “our lives start to end,the day we become silent about the things that matter.” what if I dunno what really matters now? You know, maybe I’m actually dead right now.

PS. I’m final-editing my thesis before it’s going to be booked. Will post either the abstract or full version later. And also will write new article, as promised. As soon as I have sufficient time. I need to do something with my messed up self.


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