Lost

Have you ever felt so lost that you don’t even know what you should do while the path of your crazy dreams start to open right under your feet? Why I suddenly felt I don’t know what should I write in this dedication page inside my thesis while actually I have loads of names to write down? Even, one bolded name for sure. Why I suddenly wish I don’t have to leave him in this country while before I was dying to go? I just realize that every single success would be nothing without him. I don’t know if he even understand this. I don’t even know if he would just knew whatever I said my feelings for him never changed at all? No, maybe it was never the same at all, because I never could stop it from growing big. Growing tall and big, but somehow I don’t know what should I do with it. Why should things be that much difficult while actually it could be much easier since we already understand each’s situations? Still, I’m just a dork in this. I wish I could do for you much better like what I can do in college. I wish I can express this to you as much as what I am able to do in front of my Professor, in each of my class. I wish I could. I’m sorry.

I remember Martin Luther King Jr. said : “our lives start to end,the day we become silent about the things that matter.” what if I dunno what really matters now? You know, maybe I’m actually dead right now.

PS. I’m final-editing my thesis before it’s going to be booked. Will post either the abstract or full version later. And also will write new article, as promised. As soon as I have sufficient time. I need to do something with my messed up self.

the bloody uncommon – among the common(sense)

And yeah I had another chat about relationship. Like I am so worried about it whole my life, I never care that much before. It was so like, when I’m bored with things, with the person I’m with, it’s was an inch to whisper goodbye. Never really mind to skip from person to person, seeking the feeling people were chattering about every second in the universe, but it’s so hard to find. After all I am an INTJ, I don’t tend to think about feelings that much, my myers briggs personality test said I use feelings only around 33% and that’s very uncommon-people would say, especially for a (cute looking) girl – I hate it when they say so.

Continue reading

positively negative, negatively positive

I’ve been freeing myself from any kind of tangles..it feels a little bit strange to get used to this situation, separation, whatever it called…My cousin went to Germany and it’s so damn difficult to contact him..while all the time I always talk to him about everything. I never kept any secret from him, and so does he. all I can do is rely on myself, and yet I kinda lost my senses..

Continue reading